Saturday, November 13, 2010

Done and Dusted... and a little confused

It's taken a few days to unwind, but finishing another bout of end-of-semester exams has finally meet with a sense of accomplishment. The last month was an interesting one where I found myself on a number of occasions branching out beyond the experiences normally only found in my own comfort zone. I must say I have relished in the delight of a change of scene, and a handful of thoroughly enjoyable rabbit holes through which I've explored hand-in-hand with 'Alice' basking in the sun of change and a wonderland full of interesting experiences. But returning to my own habitat has also been meet again with inspiration and the courage to take within my grasp and transform my own timidity to journey in directions that otherwise go un-walked. It's also the first year I've grown flowers in my garden, and like other choices in my life not taken before, it's proved to have beautiful rewards.

What also seems to be a dormant area, quite partially due to my own avoidance of the great unknown, is the area of my heart... I guess also with scars of experiences past, I have become particularly protective of my vital organs, and within that overprotective nature of my heart I've become detached from attachment. Although, without knowing it, I've been amidst the now nerve-racking chemistry that comes with mutual attraction... that is, if I'm reading right the attraction of the young lady who's name I'm still un-confidently attempting to discover. Oh, dear... I have to say my nerves have got the better of me on the last few occasions that I've been faced with her glowing smile, and the fumbling of my words, quickening of my heart, and my shaky hands haven't been of much assistance with finding and then expressing my normally confident self. So I continue to returned to my garden to find clarity, yet that clarity only seems to be found amongst my new seedlings, and asking it to accompany me to ask her, to drink coffee with me, is what I intend to spend the next few days practicing. Although the company of my newly built and growing garden is fairly soothing in this realm of long forgotten romantic experience.

...As is the smiling and supportive face of my little man. However, his advice is questionable - "Dad, just tell her she's smokin' hot, that's what a gentleman would do". But I can see that he has become rather amused by my bewilderment, as he's very aware of the absence of a female presence in my life since that of his mother. So today instead we went and bought vegetables and seedlings for our garden at our market, and we picked our first strawberries, and he laughed while I looked perplexed at my unsure though possible predicament of the heart.

 It's this face and the wit that comes with it that allows me to see the rather humorous side of my very adolescent nervousness, or at least as is the only time I recall having before felt this ridiculous feeling. However, having had almost a week to come down off the cloud of exam tension, Monday morning I begin the adventure of a summer semester paper in Sociology. I also have a little more freedom to enjoy the summer before us, with vegetables to be grown; adventures with a young enthusiastic lad to be had; creativity to be expressed (in all sorts of forms); bikes to be ridden; and, hopefully a wee part-time job to be found... And, if with grand intentions, brought into perspective with minimal expectations, a delightful young lady will be kind enough to have coffee with this young man, then may the summer also be potentially filled with romance. Although I'm not holding my breath, while I occasionally forget to breath. Again... oh, dear. 

But at the end of the day if I'm sadly mistaken, there are always courgettes... and tomatoes... and egg plants.... and capsicums... and strawberries........and chillies....  to be grown, and of course eaten with homegrown enthusiasm. x


  1. Oh I do hope you have coffee with your new friend very soon. How exciting for you, romance in the wind? Thank you for sharing, it's so very brave of you. Wishing all the very best. :-)
    P.S. I think your little man has is right "Dad, just tell her she's smokin' hot, that's what a gentleman would do". :-)

  2. What harm is a chat and a drink, I think she is probably wondering "will he ever ask me out".

    Sometimes I miss those days of the nervous flutter, I actually asked my man out for a coffee, as he was taking too long. Take you son's advice at least the agony will be over and you'll know.

    I wish you well and thank you for your openness.