A journey with no destination

I recently begun a journey... Actually I've been walking it all my life, but over the past month through an interesting chain of beautifully purposeful occurrences devised by life itself, it began to take on a rather distinctive glow. This new and exciting leg of that journey began on Christmas day.

I'd spent the morning at home cleaning the last of my house whilst packing rather a number of our worldly possessions into the car. There were all of your normal holidaying items, plus a few others including such things as a bicycle, my desktop computer, and three jars of live sourdough culture... I tended to the last few jobs in my garden, and packed a picnic lunch for the three hour drive we had ahead of us to visit our family for Christmas. I left slightly flustered a little after midday having just mustered all at once all of the organisation skills I had, to attempt to make it to my parents before the excitement of Christmas day fizzled out for my little man. So after collecting my enthusiastic wee chap from his mums, we got on our way.

Halfway in we found a lovely little spot under some trees at a park in a town we often pass through on this route where we stopped for our Christmas picnic lunch. With organic apples, delicious sandwiches, and freshly picked tomatoes, berries, and baby peas from our garden amongst other things, and a few gifts from a Dad to his boy; we made our Christmas day journey into an adventure, rather than just a long drive.

And then we continued on our way..

Although, as we drove along the main road in the center of the next town we came to... my well behaved car decided that that was as far as he was going to take us on our journey. So after a few extra hours of mechanical dysfunction, although helpfully aided by an extremely kind AA serviceman and his wife, and my also very kind grandfather who drove the two hour round trip to collect us, we finally arrived at the other end safe and sound. The concern I had of leaving my car at the servicemans house was short lived when I turned to see the several ferocious dogs in cages right behind where he was parked. Yet now almost nine o'clock at night, Christmas day was almost over, but none the less we had arrived.

We spent the next week having a great time with friends and family, swimming, riding bikes, eating Christmas left overs and other deliciousness, finding shade from the sun beneath trees and climbing amongst their branches with my sisters beautiful little boy excitedly along side my own. We also returned to assess the situation with my car, still with an uncertainty as to the reason for its misbehaviour. We did fortunately have it towed back to Mum & Dad's for the convenience of repairing what ever the problem was, however, with most places closed from Christmas and not reopening until after the New Year there were potentially going to be delays in this happening... and of course... there was.

On the second day of the New year, my little man departed back home to holiday with his Mum for a week, and the world was temporarily my oyster. A few days prior to Christmas I had somehow managed to win myself some tickets to see one of my very favourite musical ensemble's 'Fat Freddy's Drop' play at any gig of my choosing along there coming tour. All were in rather obscure places, small towns or beach side villages in the middle of nowhere and several hours away from me, So it was unlikely I was going to be able to utilise my winnings. However, within a day of this I discovered that good friends of mine from where I was going to be visiting had just days before bought tickets themselves... So, who lucked in big time?! It was a fantastic three days of getting back to the basics, camping amongst native bush, swimming in beautiful beaches, good food, great friends, cold beer, and a refreshing adventure...

And of course a fantastic night out at the local rural tavern.... or more so in the concert venue they have hiding away out the back for times just like this...

We returned after our three days, which also consisted of twelve hours of driving, a little tired... and myself, feeling quite disorientated. I'd enjoyed so much the journey out into a place where I felt in my element, amongst nature with such simple needs, that returning and letting go of that experience of my ideal felt a little unsettling ... So the next day not feeling my normal self I decided a change of scene might aid the processing that was needed... my lovely sister was happy to aid me in my search, and I temporarily relocated to her house; which proved to be just the thing for my journeying soul. A few days in my sisters humble abode turned into several beautiful days in her company, as well as with my nephew, and their delightful house guest; a young lady my sister had know since high school. We cooked, we ate, we drank, we discussed life, and through those conversations, a few rather helpful books, and some encouraging wisdom and insight, I discovered in myself exactly what I needed to in that time.

During this when finally a diagnosis of what was wrong with my car was made, and the part that was needed was ordered... it had to come from overseas. So come Tuesday morning, five days later, when it was meant to arrive and didn't due to a hold up in customs, I again had to extend my travels. I was not particularly reluctant to do this, but it was very helpful to have the assistance of a number of patient and understanding family members, and my sons mother...

Three mornings passed with no luck.. But when Friday morning arrived and the part had still not, we had to devise a strategy. The car at this point was going, yet was at reasonably high risk of re-offending... yet irrespective of this, time was ticking on. So I decided that the next morning despite the risk, I would attempt the adventure home.

I made it about half an hour before I broke down again, but as far as I was concerned half an hour was good. I gave it another half an hours rest but had no luck getting it going, so fortunately AA again came to my rescue. Within an hour I was back on the road. I made it a further hour before breaking down again, but by this time I was rather enjoying my adventure and the potential stress of the whole situation never amounted to any frustration what so ever. So, I found a place to lie in the grass across the road in the most idyllic spot and I read my new book while the next AA man attempted to find me.

I would have been quite happy if it took him all afternoon...

He efficiently turned up after an hour, and I did have to leave this serene spot, but from here as well as from the weeks that trailed behind it, I took something of it home with me. I broke down one last time in the last town 5 minute from home, but managed to fix it myself and finally arrived back at my house after an eight hour trip and more than three weeks of being away. But I arrived home different to when I left; I had arrived home finally as me. Free from the burdens of my past and free from the worry of what is to come. Free to live in this moment, for it is the only moment within which we can live.

I spent three marvelous weeks away and in there somewhere a seed was sown that will change the rest of this journey of life, whatever it is to be. I still have challenges ahead and many, many things to learn, that is most likely and it wouldn't be as enjoyable without them. But from here I can live perfectly comfortable in life's uncertainty, for nothing in life is promised, and nothing in life is permanent.

beneath the leaves of trees

For as long as I can remember there's been something significant in my life about trees. Moments as a child spent in awe of the magnificence of those that stretched so far they touched the sky; or exploring far away worlds amongst tangled branches with my kid sister.

Looking for shelter from the sun beneath their leaves, or in seeking refuge from the rain. Even my first proper job as a teenager fresh out of school was spent nuzzled between the branches of apple trees picking their fruit whilst the summer sun beat down upon my shoulders, before even a thought of this life I now live began.

I've coloured many a blank canvas with the trees that have stemmed from my imagination; And I've sat with the company of the evening watching till the last slither of sun passes behind the silhouette of sun-blackened brunches, while the wild flowers in our wild field dance with joy in the suns brilliance.

With my favourite friend awaiting patiently for his summer holidays to arrive, I hope that with the many hours ahead to be spent blown along by the afternoon breeze; those same magical places that I explored at six may once again be discovered beneath the leaves of trees... or climbing high in their branches..

... or deeper in the woods we just recently discovered.

I have a feeling there might be some memorable adventuring just around that mysterious little corner... Especially with a young fellow such as this.

hope-fill

Some days just the smallest of influences can shift a somewhat otherwise emotionally stunted day, or can potentially derail the ever so slightly unpleasant emotional path that trails behind a number of passing weeks. Maybe the serenity found in a melody, or the beauty in a photo, from the wise words of another, or from the kind smile accompanying a neighbourly interaction. I was fortunate enough to stumble upon all of the above on this day that began with a blue sky suffocated by a dull covering of overcast. And with perfect timing, within half an hour of my gloriously awakening chain of delightfulness, the clouds cleared entirely to reveal an abundance of bright and blue.

I'm pleasantly relieved to have rediscovered my general enthusiasm from which I was temporarily separated from; to have fueled the fire in my belly, and to have reemerged from the shade and back into the about-to-begin summer months that sit before me. Although far less often now, the lingering regret of passed loses still has its occasional way with me. But I find pleasant reward in clearing out dusty corners, even though those little spider webs always seem to find there way back. Yet with clarity and calmness I saw today looking out upon the edge of my own dustless and web-less little wonderland, as opposed to peering out from behind it. I thank today's series of small serendipities, for reinstilling hope into my dreams, however unattainable they sometimes seem; and for reminding me of my love of clouds.

From here to there and back again..

I've never particularly enjoyed disappointment, and although I've had rather a handful over my young life to negotiate; which I assume has taught me how better to accept it, I don't think I'll ever come to like it much. Although, in hindsight, and generally only in hindsight, over the past few years I have however learned to take stock of such disappointments, step back, and view them in perspective to allow myself to find what it is I'm able to learn from such undesirable experiences. Although I can't help, as is human, to feel a little discouraged at times by disappointment. For instance, after several years of growing a topiary bay tree and finding over the past few years in the space of a few short days all the fresh new growth destroyed by spring winds; this year has just taken off. No your right that's not disappointing, in fact on the contrary I was rather chuffed that it was finally looking lovely, lush and green, until yesterday I found a nasty little bird tearing chunks out of it. I wasn't impressed, especially as he lives in the comfort of my roof, and I haven't yet evicted him from doing so.... Or alternatively, after I had finally found the courage to ask a young lady out for coffee, I discovered via a rather sincere apology later that day that the wee crush I had developed was able only to exist as a crush, as she unfortunately was already spoken for. Although, I now think I would have preferred to not have asked her name first, as such a face may possibly be easier to forget when it is simple only a face once admired.

So, over the past few days whilst I've continued to journey further into the interesting realms of my Sociology paper, I've also been searching for what it is exactly that I am to learn from these current disappointments. Although, for now I'll just pop my heart back into the safety and quite of it's little hiding spot from which it had recently emerged, until such a time that it is properly needed. However, after a few days now having passed, occupied by marvelous coffee; the continual concoction of my organic sourdough; and an always enjoyable young chap, time has fortunately very much softened the blow.

On the other unrelated hand, after a year consumed by very structured university forms of thinking, I found simple creative enthusiasm to sew again. I made some alterations to a few shirts, sewed different buttons on things, and then considered indecisively about which recycled fabrics would best suit the soon to be newest addition to our household.

 

Yet which ever array of colours he ends up sporting, he'll (or more likely she'll) definitely look the part perched alongside our other hand sewn housemates.

- Woozle -

& - Mr Fox -

Who have both become quite accustomed to our interesting, earthy, and upcycled ways of living; as is certainly how they came into existence.

Done and Dusted... and a little confused

It's taken a few days to unwind, but finishing another bout of end-of-semester exams has finally meet with a sense of accomplishment. The last month was an interesting one where I found myself on a number of occasions branching out beyond the experiences normally only found in my own comfort zone. I must say I have relished in the delight of a change of scene, and a handful of thoroughly enjoyable rabbit holes through which I've explored hand-in-hand with 'Alice' basking in the sun of change and a wonderland full of interesting experiences. But returning to my own habitat has also been meet again with inspiration and the courage to take within my grasp and transform my own timidity to journey in directions that otherwise go un-walked. It's also the first year I've grown flowers in my garden, and like other choices in my life not taken before, it's proved to have beautiful rewards.

What also seems to be a dormant area, quite partially due to my own avoidance of the great unknown, is the area of my heart... I guess also with scars of experiences past, I have become particularly protective of my vital organs, and within that overprotective nature of my heart I've become detached from attachment. Although, without knowing it, I've been amidst the now nerve-racking chemistry that comes with mutual attraction... that is, if I'm reading right the attraction of the young lady who's name I'm still un-confidently attempting to discover. Oh, dear... I have to say my nerves have got the better of me on the last few occasions that I've been faced with her glowing smile, and the fumbling of my words, quickening of my heart, and my shaky hands haven't been of much assistance with finding and then expressing my normally confident self. So I continue to returned to my garden to find clarity, yet that clarity only seems to be found amongst my new seedlings, and asking it to accompany me to ask her, to drink coffee with me, is what I intend to spend the next few days practicing. Although the company of my newly built and growing garden is fairly soothing in this realm of long forgotten romantic experience.

...As is the smiling and supportive face of my little man. However, his advice is questionable - "Dad, just tell her she's smokin' hot, that's what a gentleman would do". But I can see that he has become rather amused by my bewilderment, as he's very aware of the absence of a female presence in my life since that of his mother. So today instead we went and bought vegetables and seedlings for our garden at our market, and we picked our first strawberries, and he laughed while I looked perplexed at my unsure though possible predicament of the heart.

 It's this face and the wit that comes with it that allows me to see the rather humorous side of my very adolescent nervousness, or at least as is the only time I recall having before felt this ridiculous feeling. However, having had almost a week to come down off the cloud of exam tension, Monday morning I begin the adventure of a summer semester paper in Sociology. I also have a little more freedom to enjoy the summer before us, with vegetables to be grown; adventures with a young enthusiastic lad to be had; creativity to be expressed (in all sorts of forms); bikes to be ridden; and, hopefully a wee part-time job to be found... And, if with grand intentions, brought into perspective with minimal expectations, a delightful young lady will be kind enough to have coffee with this young man, then may the summer also be potentially filled with romance. Although I'm not holding my breath, while I occasionally forget to breath. Again... oh, dear. 

But at the end of the day if I'm sadly mistaken, there are always courgettes... and tomatoes... and egg plants.... and capsicums... and strawberries........and chillies....  to be grown, and of course eaten with homegrown enthusiasm. x

Splendid Spontaneity

After a rather exhausting week of essay writing and exam preparation, late Friday afternoon saw my final essay for the semester written and sitting in the post box ready for the mail man to safely deliver for me; lifting briefly from my shoulders some of the end of year pressures of university.

But come early Friday evening, with my little man at his mothers for the weekend, and other than having exams ahead of me all vital deadlines had passed, I went and got a little spontaneous. Right there in that interestingly almost un-recognisable feeling of my own solely individual freedom, an un-over-thought decision proved to be a rather rewarding one.

 It's not everyday that I venture out beyond the comfort of our little life, nor do I make decisions without them being fairly well considered first... this does come in handy when trying to avoid the more potentially unfortunate of situations, but, it also means with the use of such particular consideration I don't seem to employ all that much spontaneity in my life either. Generally it means there's less risk involved, and I don't have all that much I'd really like to be gambling with, but consequently there are also less of the opportunities that bring people together, or that introduce you to new friends, or to new favourite places, or to hidden enthusiasm not yet discovered.

I must say partly in my defense, or maybe in attempting an excuse, it really does take rather a lot of time all by myself to cook, and clean, and wash grass stains out of pant knees, make school lunches, read adventure stories, fix flat bike tyres, and the other hundred-and-one mostly rewarding jobs of parenthood... whilst digging vegetable patches and mowing my endless lawn, and teaching a boy about all of life; And, in that little extra bit of spare time to study a degree..

So I packed a few things in a suitcase, scraped together a few bucks, hopped in my car and drove an hour away into the big city to stay with an old friend in his new house. What I was intending to be one night, became three thoroughly enjoyable days of new friends and old, plenty of inspiring urban art and architecture amongst many a beautiful old house, a couple of funky bars, a warehouse style apartment, an old favourite cafe and a job offer to work there, a bunch of great second-hand stores, some well-appreciated handmade pasta, and with a little extra spontaneity in the mix.. it ended with seeing one of my long-time favourite bands play live at the Wellington Opera House.

All-in-all it was a marvelous way to spend a weekend away from home, not to mention, that I found so much life and inspiration in the people and places hidden away in the colourful corners of the city that I'm otherwise somewhat oblivious to while my usual safety-net of hesitance and caution is in place. But with my fingers now feeling particularly creative and left wanting to again strum something musical with other musical people, along with the fresh memories of vintage things in vintage stores I now have plans for occasional adventures. I'm also beginning to look forward to the three exams I have to sit over the following fortnight back in the city, yes because the niggling pressure will leave with the exams, but more so because it'll give me a little extra time to explore further the places and visit the people that have offered me fresh inspiration.


It was nice however, to again return home to find my little house awaiting my arrival and all as I had left it; Well apart from a few extra small sprouting things, and my not so small yet always so thoroughly cheerful young chap, just gleaming to see his dad. He was also rather pleased to see the fantastic old globe I found for him for $5 on the drive home, but what son of mine wouldn't be..

I'd already got to be all very enthusiastic about my own fantastic discoveries...

Of vintage bowls and silver spoons,
and a dozen books for a dozen dollars from the 70's and 80's all about politics, sociology & psychology, which will come in very handy as I progressively undertake another three years of
academia.

..And then there was the very clever young Free Lance illustrator who I met along the way with his forthcoming exhibition of intergalactic interactive singing robots...

Circus or Fair?

There was a hint of something slightly unusual lingering about the morning of our long awaited fair. My usually very pleasant, helpful, and amusing little man was not himself, instead we could say.. he was a tad, challenging. Which resulted in the shortening of our already limited time frame for foraging at fairs, before having to hastily make it to the market to fill my basket with vibrant vegetables from my organic vege man, so to get to his swimming lessons on time.
However, the moment we stepped out into the slightly drizzly, cold, damp, not-so-fair-like air of the day, one said attitude improved. Maybe it was remembering the past few weeks anticipation of this day, mixed with a six year old's developing conscience; or maybe it was the thought of not being paid his $5 pocket money for a whole weeks worth of being elbow deep in suds at the kitchen sink. Either way, we forgot the earlier moments of discomfort and rekindled the mutual excitement for our rarely local fair.

We found a park just near the two uncertainly placed.. police officers outside the church fair; and he armed with his weeks 5 and myself with not much more, prepared ourselves for some well refined foraging.

Disappointing was my initial reaction in the thrifting department. How thoroughly disappointing. Although, it was temporary disappointment, when fortunate redemption came in the slightly rusty form of two beautiful old pairs of scissors...

The little man had disappeared to later be found throwing gumboots at the cost of a dollar, and as soon as he'd finished, with arm yanking enthusiasm quickly directed me to the gardening section. This was where the real redemption came. Run by the cutest old man, surely with at least fifty years of green thump experience and knowledge behind his fragile little frame, we found an abundance of delicate new life. Together with his equally age-full sidekick, he informed me on the several punnets of varying varieties of heritage cherry tomatoes and eggplant seedlings that I departed with for the total sum of five big ones. I felt a little like I'd cheated them having paid so little, but I think these two old chums were just simply chuffed to see youthful vegetable-gardening enthusiasm reminiscent of their own long-passed, once young selves.

In deed there was then the heritage linen section inside the hall, and yes I did venture past the... several men with largely lensed cameras.. to have a wee squizz. Although my budget did not allow my indulgence, nor did my rather limited time allowance. More unfortunately was however, the hovering crowd of people impairing my view, due to their flocking like seagulls around our country's Prime Minister and his politician friend; who'd so kindly ventured out to visit this little old church fair. Hmm, kissing babies, smiling so nicely at their mothers, shaking hands with happy little children, men with big cameras, police babysitting outside... I see, this was a circus with side shows.. not just simply a fair; and having studied two politics papers this year, progressively becoming more and more disheartened by the party for whom this man stands for, I was pleased to move our days journey along.

My market was fantastic as usual, and my little man was back to his normal self. I filled my basket with vegetables, and he again disappeared only to return having spent his remaining four dollars pocket money on a bag of organic apples, and a bag of organic tangerines. "Because they looked soo organic and delicious" he said, and then refused to let me pay for them, because that was what he wanted.

We made it to swimming with two minutes to spare and he was like a shark in the water, so proudly was I father. Once home, we concocted a marvelous ball of sourdough in preparation for our evenings eating activities with friends; and while it proved we went on a brief adventure, I by foot and he by shiny retro wheel. We strode in the unusual inland direction as opposed to our normal ocean orientation, and stumbled upon a lovely though slightly airy little woods.

On our way home the clouds began to clear, and in flowed a calming sense that matched. Our evening was successfully filled with delightful company, delectable food, ginger beer, tiddly winks, the smell of baking bread, and laughter that caused tears.

And somewhere in-between, beyond the field that's rather neighbourly with the lawn behind our house; the sky opened and offered us this...

...with an endless abundance of life x